Become A Master At Resolving Conflict At Home Or Work

Learn Communication Skills in Conflict Resolution and Emotional Intelligence; Face Difficult Conversations Confidently

Last updated 2022-01-10 | 4.6

- Conflict management skills to solve problems and maintain healthy relationships
- How to prevent disagreements from becoming unhealthy conflict
- A concrete framework and steps for entering into difficult conversations and resolving conflict

What you'll learn

Conflict management skills to solve problems and maintain healthy relationships
How to prevent disagreements from becoming unhealthy conflict
A concrete framework and steps for entering into difficult conversations and resolving conflict
The mindset
confidence and skills to facilitate conflict resolution
The advantages and disadvantages of different communication styles
How to calm and manage yourself during conflict
Conflict management at home and on the job with lots of real-world examples

* Requirements

* A willingness to learn a new way of thinking
* A desire to improve your communication and work through conflicts at home or at work

Description

What students are saying

"Dr. Allen is very knowledgeable instructor. He gave great examples during the course. All of his shared stories added more "life-like" explanations to his examples. He really knows his material . Very helpful course." Danet Leon

"100% happy. THANK YOU, Roger! This course has been an enormous help. The structure of the course, the way you explain the skills and principles, and the way you relate the theory to the real world, the examples you give really helped me to understand the theory and the tools. The way you speak and use visual support makes it very easy to follow and comprehend. Your empathetic communication style and realistic way of portraying things (e.g. You won't succeed all the time, but keep practicing to improve) was also very helpful and made it easy to relate to the topics you were talking about. From the first lecture on I started incorporating my new knowledge into everyday life, where of course smaller or larger conflicts arise all the time. And with each step I felt safer, better prepared and was able to reach better solutions as I might have without this course. It should be a mandatory course for everyone. Thanks again." Anna Henker

"The course was amazing. I have learned so much which is now an asset I will be using to solve future conflicts. I wish this valuable information could reach many more people."  Vincent Mandi Muli

"This course is a MUST. For anyone wanting to sharpen their communication skills and truly become a "master at resolving conflict", whether it be at work or home, this course will change your life. Roger is a master on this topic and his teaching, his stories, and his tips are gold for the mind that is hungry for knowledge. Thank you Roger for sharing your wisdom." Ronald Burnett

Overview of course

This course will give you skills in conflict management to successfully turn disagreements and conflict into productive communication so that you can not only solve your shared problems but also grow in emotional intelligence and experience enjoyable connections with others.

The dictionary defines conflict as a serious disagreement or argument. Synonyms include dispute, quarrel, squabble, discord, strife, antagonism. These are not pleasant words. And yet it is likely that you understand their meaning not because you’ve looked them up in a dictionary but because you’ve experienced them. We’ve all been caught up in the unpleasant experience of conflict. For example,

· You're not able to sleep due to a neighbor's late-night music or barking dog.

· You’re on a sales team which has won a big contract. Your new customer wants your product quickly and at as low a price as possible. However, engineering wants to slow the project down to ensure that all technical and quality standards are met. You’re in a tug of war.

· A few of the neighbors have not been paying their homeowners association dues. Others are violating the property rules.

· You’ve come up with good technical solutions to a thorny problem but wonder if there is the political will to implement your recommendations.

· Your boss wants you to work overtime this weekend when you’ve planned a big outing with your family.

· A teenager has trouble getting off the computer to do his chores.

· You and your partner have totally different opinions when it comes to a major life decision.

· A young adult child has returned home and is now living off of you and your spouse claiming that she hasn’t been able to find a good job.

This is just a small sampling of situations that require conflict management with emotional intelligence. Notice a few characteristics of these situations: your emotions are aroused, the stakes are high, the outcome is uncertain, and opinions vary.

You probably don’t like dealing with these situations. They disrupt your peace of mind and cause you emotional discomfort. Unresolved conflict is why family members become alienated and half of all marriages end in divorce. It also accounts for 50% of the turnover in companies. Dealing with conflict is not easy.

Conflict is inevitable

And yet conflict, at least disagreement, is inevitable. We know this. We come from different backgrounds, have distinct personalities, perspectives, needs, values, roles, goals and priorities, all of which set us up to experience disagreements if not outright conflict.

So, the question is not whether you’ll experience conflict but rather how you will handle it. And, unfortunately, we have little training in conflict resolution skills.

Our natural tendencies are harmful

My experience as a psychologist, marriage counselor, business consultant, and executive coach has taught me that many of our natural tendencies are harmful. They make things worse rather than better. Some people, when facing conflict, go into an aggressive and fight mode, others run emotionally and resort to silence or appeasement, and still others distract and avoid. Although our natural tendencies are intended to reduce the impact of conflict, they actually and make it worse in the long run.

Dialogue-key to conflict resolution

Therefore, learning conflict management is one of the most important skills you can learn. I teach you to deal with conflict through dialogue, a communication skill in which people listen to understand one another’s point of view and then agree upon options to solve problems and resolve their disagreements.

This process encourages deep listening, a willingness to share your own point of view and search for solutions that are good for all and not just a minority. Dialogue is talking openly—even about subjects that have historically been “undiscussable.” The more openly you can talk, the better will be your solutions to conflict and the more unified and committed you and others will be to carry them out.

The most successful people are good at conflict management

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that the most successful people, in any walk of life, are good at conflict management. They are willing to face conflict directly and are even willing to enter into difficult conversations that others want to flee and avoid. They do this because they understand the dynamics of conflict and how to create trusting conditions that will open up communication and lead to positive, even amazing outcomes.

Importance of conflict resolution in your personal relationships

Howard Markman and his colleagues studied 150 couples for 13 years. The couples would come into their lab each year and furnish a massive amount of information about their marriages. In addition, they would subject themselves to being video-taped which the researchers would then analyze for patterns and themes. Their conclusion, at the end of this long-term study was that “it is not how much you love each other, how good your sex life is, or what problems you have with money that best predicts the future quality of your marriage….the best predictor of marital success is how you handle conflicts and disagreements.

This is also true in all our personal relationships. How many people are alienated from extended family members because of the difficulty of holding good, honest conversations? Or how many parents and children are alienated because of their inability to communicate effectively? Dialogue changes that.

Importance of conflict resolution in your organization

Furthermore, I believe that organizations are filled with intelligent, capable people who fall back on poor styles of communicating because it is not safe to express their opinions. The consequences to organizations can be serious if not devastating. Respect is lost. Trust is destroyed. Only a fraction of the ideas necessary for the organizations long-term survival make it to the light of day. The best employees leave and those who stay disengage and do only enough to hold onto their jobs.

Knowing how to use dialogue to resolve conflict changes that. Dialogue is the means by which you surface conflict and have meaningful conversations in your personal relationships and organizations. Such conversations make your relationships and organizations healthier and more effective.

It is my intent to give you the awareness and conflict management skills to face and handle the difficult conversations of your life. And as you learn and apply these skills, you’ll still have differences of opinions and disagreements, but you’ll be able to navigate them with greater confidence and skill.

A little about me

My name is Roger K. Allen, Ph.D. I’m a psychologist, author, executive coach and business consultant with many years of helping people work through conflict both in their personal lives and on the job. I’ve helped hundreds of couples, business partners, executives, department managers and employees work through difficult conflicts to create healthy and harmonious relationships. And I’ve taught many of these methods to other trainers and consultants throughout the world.


Who this course is for:

  • Individuals who want to improve their ability to handle conflict in their personal lives
  • Employees who are experiencing conflict on the job
  • Leaders who want to create a work climate that encourages open dialogue and conflict resolution

Course content

6 sections • 58 lectures

Introduction to Conflict Management Preview 06:08

Students will understand a definition and the nature of conflict management as well as receive an overview of what they will get out of the course.

Tips to Get the Most from the Course Preview 04:38

I want you to get the most possible value from this course. In this lecture, I share a number of tips to accomplish that end.

All Course Handouts Preview 00:13

Disagreements vs. Unhealthy Conflict Preview 05:38

Students will be able to describe the differences between disagreements and unhealthy conflict. They will appreciate the consequences of win/lose and lose/lose interactions and commit to keeping conversations win/win.

Exercise: Identifying Three Conflicts Preview 00:17

Students will identify three real conflicts they are facing and which they'd like to work on during the course.

Mike Blows His Future-an Example of Poor Conflict Resolution Preview 04:53

Mike Miller blew a terrific career opportunity because of his lack of understanding dialogue and conflict resolution skills.

Phases of Escalation Preview 06:25

Students will be able to describe the phases through which conflicts escalate from differences of opinion to disintegration of a relationship.

Building Trust-An Essential Part of Conflict Management Preview 05:50

Students will understand the role of trust in preventing conflict. They will learn specific strategies to build a climate of trust so that disagreements don't have to become unhealthy conflict.

Check Your Understanding 1

This is a short quiz to check how well you understood some of the concepts in the first section of the course.

Four Styles of Communication and Conflict Management: Part I Preview 05:02

Students will learn a two-dimensional model of communication and how these dimensions result in four communication styles. They will learn the characteristics and consequences of the dominating style of communication.

Four Styles of Communication and Conflict Management: Part II Preview 05:48

Students will understand the accommodating and avoiding styles of communicating and their effect on conflict management.

The Dashed Hope-a Story of Dialogue and Emotional Intelligence at Work Preview 04:37

Bob was falling into a familiar pattern of accommodating and feeling like a victim until he recognized what was happening and decided to talk openly.

What Would You Do? Preview 02:35

Students will identify what they would do in a few different real-life conflict situations as a way to understand the styles of communication and conflict resolution.

Exercise: What Would You Do? Preview 00:09

Please download the resource file.

Exercise: Identifying Your Communication Style Preview 00:26

Please download the resource file.

Five Patterns of Communication and Conflict Resolution Preview 07:06

Students will understand five common patterns of relating to others during conflict. They will also understand when each of three communication styles is most appropriate.

Check Your Understanding 2

Dialogue--The Pathway to Collaboration and Conflict Management Preview 05:05

Students will learn the necessity of collaboration and also dialogue as a pathway to collaboration and resolving conflicts so everyone wins.

Adam--the New Supervisor Preview 03:09

This lecture presents an example of a supervisor poorly handling some conflict in his workplace.

The Conflict Resolution Model Preview 06:48

The student will be able to use this model to describe their reactions and behavioral options during conflict.

Adam Chooses Collaboration Preview 10:06

The student will see an example of a supervisor handle a major conflict appropriately, in a way that brings unity and positive outcomes to his department.

The Failed Strategy: An Example of Poor Conflict Resolution in a Leadership Team Preview 05:26

Here is a story of an executive team, of which I was a member, that failed to engage in honest dialogue around their business strategy, with dire consequences.

Exercise: Assessing My Readiness for Dialogue Preview 00:08

Please download the resource file.

Check Your Understanding 3

Collusion-The Opposite of Conflict Management Preview 06:46

You will correct misperceptions that occur during conflict which keep you from arriving at mutual understanding and win/win outcomes. 

Adopting a Mindset to Resolve Conflict: Taking Responsibility Preview 05:04

You'll take responsibility for your contribution and reactions during conflict.

Dyslexic Preview 05:05

This is a story about how my view of a situation changed once I heard the full story of the man with whom I was in conflict.

Adopting a Mindset to Resolve Conflict: Dealing with Feelings Preview 10:42

You will understand how to manage and express your emotions during conflict. You'll know how to deal with the emotions of the other party. 

Adopting a Mindset to Resolve Conflict: Committing to Outcomes Preview 07:34

You will know how to stay focused on positive outcomes so you can keep dialogue moving forward to a productive outcome.

Should I Initiate Dialogue? Preview 04:45

You will learn when you should talk about conflict and when it might be better to leave it alone because it is unlikely you'll get a good outcome.

Risk-Benefit Analysis Preview 05:49

You will know how to think through the trade-offs necessary to address conflict so you don't get into unproductive and no-win conversations.

Case Study: A Young Intern Preview 04:28

You will hear me talk about a real-life example of resolving a conflict when the stakes were high.

Check Your Understanding 4

Overview of the Steps of Dialogue and the Steps of Conflict Resolution Preview 04:47

You will know learn the three purposes and four phases of dialogue.

The Steps of Dialogue Handout Preview 00:13

Please download the resource file.

Phase I: Preparation Preview 06:28

You will identify and conflict situation and prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to resolve it.

Exercise: Work Through Your Thoughts and Feelings Preview 00:11

Please download the resource file.

Exercise: Evaluating Your Commitment to Collaboration Preview 00:23

Please download the resource file.

Phase II: Invitation Preview 06:52

You will learn a number of strategies to ensure that dialogue remains safe and positive.

Invitation Skill: Leveling Preview 05:16

You'll learn a specific skill to safely invite others enter into dialogue and conflict resolution.

Invitation Skills: Clarifying Intent; Clarifying Concerns; Collaboration Preview 07:13

You will be able to use a number of skills to keep your conversation positive and moving forward.

Check Your Understanding 5

Phase III: Exploration Preview 09:48

Students will recognize the roll of assumptions in conflict and understand how to use communication to surface assumptions and develop a more accurate understanding of reality.

The Skills of Exploration Preview 02:58

Students will be able to use the skills of inquiry and advocacy to build a pool of shared understanding from which to resolve conflict.

The Skills of Exploration Continued Preview 04:04

You will develop greater mastery in using the skills of dialogue. 

Case Study: Agreeing on Property Preview 05:57

You will hear me walk you through an actual dialogue between my wife and I that illustrates how to build a pool of shared understanding before entering into dialogue.

The Role of Ground Rules Preview 08:03

You will be able to negotiate a set of ground rules to guide dialogue and keep it on track.

A Deeper Look at Inquiry Preview 07:22

You will develop greater ability to use inquiry by learning to use four specific inquiry skills.

The Sleepover: An Example of Listening Preview 04:05

This is a personal example in which I was lecturing to my son and then realized I needed to listen to him instead. As I did so, my understanding of the situation changed dramatically and I could then support him. It illustrates how important it is to use the inquiry and listening skills.

A Deeper Look at Advocacy Preview 05:05

You will come away knowing how to use the deeper skills in advocacy.

The Immediacy Skill: Strengthening Your Advocacy Preview 03:19

You will know how to use the Immediacy skill when someone is dominating the conversation or not willing to listen to your point of view.

Collaboration Preview 07:07

A student will be able to move beyond a pool of shared understanding to resolving conflict by agreeing upon a solution or all actions each party will take.

Collaboration Continued Preview 07:53

You'll develop greater mastery of all the skills of collaboration, including how to identify the needs of each party, brainstorm possible solutions and agree upon final actions.

Collaboration: Arriving at Win/Win Agreements Preview 00:13

You will be able to use the collaboration skill to arrive at solutions and win/win outcomes when facing conflict.

Putting it All Together Preview 15:19

Here is an example in which a husband and wife use all four of the phases of conflict resolution to work through a disagreement to a satisfying solution. It will help you see how the phases and steps fit together.

Conclusion Preview 06:59

You'll see all of the program come together in a memorable summary.

Check Your Understanding 6

Bonus Content Preview 00:41